bollocks

So . Normality resumes.
I fucked up yesterday. Lilija is back over here (she lives on the other side of the Atlantic usually) . I was pretty much in love with her while she lived here and she had feelings for me so obviously I was quite disappointed when she left . Nevertheless she visits quite frequently . She angers me slightly though as she leads a slightly too busy life and tries to come across as complex and mysterious as possible , which doesn't help when I'm trying to be practical.Anyway after a single meeting with her (which was nice) and some crappy sms messages between each other I met her and a few other people yesterday for a couple of drinks . She seemed to be slightly pissed at me (rightly) and she left after a couple of drinks . I continued on and got progressively drunker.Turned into a lads night out and it went from worse to worse , with the pinnacle (of the shittiness) being when we were watching the man u game. Left with a mate and went home . On the way home got even drunker and puked on the train . Puked on the platform waiting for the connecting train , puked on the connecting train , puked at my stations toilet , puked all over myself , puked on the road , texted lilija to ask her why "she was pissed at me?" , got a phone call from someone asking for Lilija's number and I slurred it out I think , got home eventually and stumbled into the house where my mum started shouting incoherently (or rather I just couldn't understand) , went for a shower and went to bed . Woke up . Just lay in bed trying to formulate excuses.
I think I fucked up again . It must be the tenth time that I've said i'll never drink again but I swore on it this time . I have a weak resolve . At least I didn't get my stomach pumped this time or get charged a shit load for stopping over in a place where the bed and the food is shitter than my own .
I'm aiming to study for 5 hours straight as a form of self punishment.